The Lack-Of-Stimulus Package
With everyone cutting back on their end-of-the-year activities, it’s a bit of a surprise to find that celebrities aren’t cutting back, at least when it comes to dying. Perhaps that’s because in a tough economy—and during the holidays—it is consumer spending, and celebrity deaths, that keep the GDP (Gross Domestic Product, or Grave Digging Production) on an even keel.
Having Santa and the Grim Reaper show up the same time of the year tends to send mixed messages, so here’s a way to avoid potentially embarrassing situations around the Yule log: Santa’s got the gift bag, and the Grim Reaper has the toe tag. If one or the other shows up at your door, you’re either going to get a package . . . or you’re going to be the package.
As a bonus gift to our readers, we’ve combined the last two weeks of Celebrity Death Trios™ into one fiscally responsible and economically efficient, yet super-sized, report. Our double-dealing of death comes at a time when we all need to remember what’s important, and what’s fleeting. So toast these holiday haunts, and your own holiday blessings, and remember that every day spent one foot above the ground is better than any day spent six feet below it.
Herewith, the departed, in parts.
Part 1
• Bettie Page
Model. 85. Pictures of ladies in leather, leopard skin, and stilettos have probably been around since the invention of the eyeball, but Bettie turned it into the genesis of an industry. Her face and figure adorned pinups years before Hugh Hefner became a bathrobe-clad household name, and her naughty-but-nice “pictorials” all but defined a style of peekaboo photography that lives on to this day. Bettie herself had a tough go of it later in life, spending time in a mental institution and as a born-again Christian before coming to terms with her illustrious and illustrated past.
• Sunny Von Bulow
Wealthy coma patient. 76. “Sunny” Martha Von Bulow inexplicably slipped into a coma back in 1980, becoming the center of a media frenzy that focused on her socialite status. Her scheming husband Claus was convicted of drugging Sunny in order to gain her substantial inheritance. Yet Claus was acquitted during a second trial (thanks, Alan Dershowitz), and the whole sordid affair was played out in the movie “Reversal of Fortune” with Glenn Close playing Sunny. At the time of her death, Ms. Von Bulow had been in a coma for 27 years, 11 months, and 15 days.
• W. Mark Felt
Deep Throat. 95. As deputy director of the FBI during the Watergate scandal, Felt became the anonymous source for the reports by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein of Richard M. Nixon’s attempts to cover up his criminal hijinks. Deep Throat was played by Hal Holbrook in the movie “All The Presidents Men,” but his identity remained a secret until 2005 when he outed himself in order to cash in on lucrative book and movie deals in his dotage.
Part 2
• Davy Graham
Guitarist. 68. For music aficionados, Graham’s acoustic guitar playing set a standard that many aspired to but few ever matched. Considered by some to be the best guitarist in England, he was often labeled a British folkie, but Graham fused world music (Celtic, Middle Eastern, jazz, et al.) into his own unique style long before anyone knew what world music was. He is widely credited with introducing DADGAD and other nonstandard tunings to modern guitar playing (all you guitarists can nod knowingly here). His music—and actual songs, such as the iconic “Anji”—inspired performers ranging from Simon & Garfunkel and Al Stewart on to Led Zeppelin and Pentangle. Graham died of lung cancer, a decidedly non-music industry exit.
• Majel Rodenberry
Trekkie. 76. Wife of Star Trek creator Gene Rodenberry, Majel was a regular cast member on the original series as Nurse Chapel, who had a serious, albeit bizarre, crush on Mr. Spock. She’s better known as the voice of the computers in just about every iteration of Star Trek ever created; her voice became so well known that Union Pacific had Majel record its railroad track warnings for approaching trains. But we’ll always remember her most fondly as Lumpy’s mom, Mrs. Rutherford, on Leave It To Beaver.
• Van Johnson
Actor. 92. Equally adept at musicals and military dramas, Johnson appeared in more than 100 roles during his movie and TV career. Injuries sustained in a car crash kept Johnson out of World War II, allowing him to become a recognizable face and a leading man during the 1940s (he was second in popularity only to Bing Crosby). Known for his performances in “The Caine Mutiny” and “Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo,” he also showed up in classic TV fare such as Nanny & The Professor, Ben Casey, McCloud, McMillan & Wife, and as Batman’s adversary “The Minstrel.”
RIP, one and all. And Happy Holidays to you all.
Casting Lots . . . and Votes
When we got the call to write up this week's Celebrity Death Trio™, we thought it was going to be an all-GOP obituary: a stake through the heart of John McCain's career, the flat-lining of the entire Republican Party, and Sarah Palin's final political appearance before taking that job doing the 1 AM pole dance at "Flashgirls."
But no. We had real, live -- okay, formerly live -- celebrities die this week. While the world was watching American voters make history, a brand new troika of celebs stepped up to cast their own votes in Beelzebub's Ballot Box. But that particular ballot box was already stuffed: these three were the only candidates on the slate. Or slab. Thus, there was no way they could lose. Or win, depending on your perspective.
So they punched their cards, punched the clock, and punched out forever in one last Eternal Election, where there are no term limits . . . and you don't have to sell your soul to the Devil to get elected.
Herewith, the departed.
• Michael Crichton
Writer, director. 66. It's going to be hard to fit a profile of the prolific and gigantic 6'7" Crichton into one paragraph (let alone one coffin), but we'll try. Author of Jurassic Park, Sphere, Rising Sun, Timeline, Prey, Congo, Disclosure, The Terminal Man, The Great Train Robbery, The Andromeda Strain (his best), and a handful of others. Director of Coma, Runaway, Looker and the classic Westworld-wherein Yul Brynner plays the best android in the history of film. Creator of "ER." Graduate of Harvard Medical School and teacher of anthropology at Cambridge University. Crichton had more projects -- and more wives, five of them -- than most people even have time to think about. You could surmise that Crichton died of overwork, but it was actually cancer.
• Studs Terkel
Writer, radio broadcaster. 96. Most people only knew Studs by his nickname, but for most of the last century Louis Terkel wrote about, and recorded the stories of, people in these here United States. His radio show from Chicago's WFMT began in 1958, and was the start of Terkel's love affair with everyday Americans. He turned the practice of oral history into a valid literary field with books like "Hard Times: An Oral History of the Great Depression," "Working: People Talk About What They Do All Day and How They Feel About What They Do," and "The Good War: An Oral History of World War II," the latter winning a Pulitzer Prize for nonfiction. Studs also had one of history's earliest TV shows, "Stud's Place," and acted in theater and on radio. FYI, he took his nickname from the lead character in the old "Studs Lonigan" book series.
• Colonel John W. Ripley
War hero. 69. With all the talk about John McCain's POW status, some of the people who did classic "hero" stuff during the war have been overshadowed. Here's one that shouldn't be: During the Vietnam War, John Ripley single-handedly stopped the advance of 20,000 North Vietnamese soldiers and 200 tanks into South Vietnam by risking his life to blow up a bridge. The bridge was the Viet Cong's only direct route into South Vietnam, and over the course of three hours, Ripley swung hand over hand across its steel girders to wire it with explosives. The Viet Cong attempted to shoot him down, even resorting to a tank to try and blast him off, but he still managed to put nearly 600 pounds worth of TNT on the bridge's supports. He set the explosives with his teeth, and when he finished the bridge blew up and blasted him through the air. To this day, the story of Ripley's effort is still taught at the U.S. Naval Academy, where a diorama of him graces Memorial Hall. Ripley later went on to become president of Southern Virginia College. . If you look up heroism in the dictionary, Ripley's face will be looking back at you.
RIP, one and all.
Labored Pains
You might have taken this past Labor Day off from work, but the Grim Reaper did not. Diligently working through the holiday to deliver toys to every good girl and boy, bringing smiles of joy . . . Oh, wait. Wrong holiday.
Nonetheless, it was the Reaper who labored through Labor Day, rounding up a Celebrity Death Trio™ of entertainers who were all known, in part, for their voices. This triumvirate has been silenced forever, but as the CDT’s newest Crematory Club members, they are certain to be chatting up other distinguished patrons in the cemetery suite of the Hotter Than Hell Hotel.
Herewith, the departed.
• Don LaFontaine
Voiceover artist. 68. The only thing you need to know about LaFontaine is that every single movie trailer you’ve ever heard that began with the words “In a world . . .” was voiced with his unique and unmistakable vocal growl. Estimates are that LaFontaine’s voice has been on more than 6000 movie teasers, and that voice is inextricably linked with movies like Terminator, Friday The 13th, and The Simpsons’ Movie. Don famously recorded as many as 35 spots a day, zipping from studio to studio in a chauffeured car that never parked. An intense, bullet headed man with a mustache, LaFontaine’s face only became familiar to the public after appearing recently on GEICO commercials. He died of a collapsed lung, and thus is no longer “in a world . . .” or even “in this world.” In fact, we are now “in a world . . . without Don LaFontaine.”
• Jerry Reed
Musician and actor. 71. Reed achieved his greatest fame as the singer and composer of catchy Southern-fried tunes like “When You’re Hot You’re Hot” and “Amos Moses” (the latter a longtime CDT™ staff fave). He also made a name for himself playing alongside Burt Reynolds in a string of 1970s cornpone movies like Smokey And The Bandit, Gator, and High Ballin’. Few of his film fans, though, knew that Reed was an extremely innovative guitar player who developed a method of playing known as “claw” style that helped earn him the nickname of “Guitar Man of Country Music.” Elvis Presley employed him on several records, and the legendary Chet Atkins thought that Reed was one of the best guitar players alive. When he was alive, that is. Jerry had been ill for many years, and succumbed to complications of emphysema.
• Bill Melendez
Animator and director. 91. It was Charles Schulz (CDT™ Class of 2000) who created the world’s most beloved comic strip, Peanuts, but it was Melendez who brought Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Woodstock, and Schroeder to life in TV specials, commercials, and the ubiquitous Christmas extravaganzas. An animator for Disney and Warner Brothers in their cartoon heyday—when the Mexican-born Bill was still known as José Cuauhtemoc Meléndez—he drew characters ranging from Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck to Pinocchio and Dumbo. Melendez also created the TV versions of the comic strips Garfield and Cathy, but of singular importance to this issue of the CDT is that he provided the voice to the snickering Snoopy in all of the Charlie Brown specials.
RIP, one and all.
Soul To Soul Men
Dear CDT™ Reader,
Okay, it’s the end of the week and we’ll bet you’ve
already forgotten about the three most recent
celebs who make up this week’s Celebrity Death
Trio™. But you haven’t forgotten about John Edwards
yet, have you? Even though John wants you to forget
about him, his love-child, and the way he cheated
on his cancer-stricken wife, he’s still top of the
headlines. Apparently Johnny Boy forgot that his
wife was suffering from incurable cancer, which—if
nothing else—will guarantee her a seat in a
not-too-distant CDT.
While Edwards’ career may have hit the wall with
more force than an Earnhardt family member, the
news was even less pleasant for our three
celebrities, who are probably kicking themselves
for dying before Michael Phelps made Olympic
history. But the newest members of the CDT got to
claim their own versions of the gold, silver, and
bronze. Except our trio isn’t standing on a podium
to accept their medals . . . they’re lying on a
slab.
Herewith, the departed.
•
Bernie Mac
Comedian. 51.
Bernard Jeffrey McCullough
shot to fame over the last few years as a star
of
The Original Kings Of
Comedy,
and then as the star of his own sitcom. He later
became the male version of Queen Latifah as he
played the requisite funny black guy in a host of
comedies and capers such as
Ocean’s 11, Charlie’s Angels, Bad
Santa,
and
Transformers.
Mac died from pneumonia while working on the
movie
Soul
Men,
which co-starred . . .
•
Isaac Hayes
Singer. 65. Hayes will forever be known as the man
with the oh-so-smooth voice who sang the 1970s
hit
Shaft
(“Who is the cat that won’t walk out/When there’s
danger all about/SHAFT!/John Shaft . . . shut your
mouth!”). But he was also a successful songwriter
and producer who was at the forefront of the modern
funk and soul movement. He enjoyed a second career
as the voice of Chef, the sexual mentor to the
grade school misfits on “South Park.” Hayes left
“South Park” last year after it ran a parody of
Scientology, the cult—uh, we mean religion—that
Hayes belonged to. He died of a stroke while
working out on a treadmill, one day after
Soul Men
costar Bernie Mac kicked the very same bucket.
•
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Writer. 89. Solzhenitsyn was the prototypical
Soviet dissident, writing about the horrors of life
in the USSR during the Cold War. His books exposed
the stark reality of a country run by corrupt
politicians where stepping out of line could mean a
lifetime sentence to labor camps in Siberia.
Solzhenitsyn’s “The Gulag Archipelago” told the
story of the country’s system of prisons (the
gulag)—a system in which Solzhenitsyn was
imprisoned for his views. It not only showed the
world how bad things were in the Soviet Union, it
had the added benefit of probably being the first
time most Westerners ever heard the words “gulag”
or “archipelago.” Solzhenitsyn won a Nobel Prize
for literature in 1970 and was then exiled from the
USSR in 1974. He died of heart failure, but not
while working on the movie
Soul Men.
RIP, one and all.
Quit Clowning Around
Dear CDT™ Reader,
We were thinking about having a “stay-cation” here
at the CDT™ headquarters this summer. With the
price of gas rising faster than George Bush’s
disapproval rating, it seemed like the prudent
thing to do. But we’re hardly known for our
prudence, so we said “what the hell” and headed to
the beach for two weeks.
Bad move. In the course of those two weeks there
were two Celebrity Death Trios, and the world was
wondering if the CDT™ itself had given up the
ghost. Appreciating the irony, we nonetheless find
ourselves treading water under the weight of these
slabbed celebs. So, diving right into the deep end
of the death pool, here’s a quick serving of
celebrity death stew. Not quite leftovers, mind
you, but not fresh from the freezer, either. Savor
at your own risk.
Herewith, the departed.
Trio 1
•
Bobby Murcer
Baseball
player. 62. Murcer was a hugely popular Yankee
outfielder in the 1960s and 1970s, and went on to
become a beloved sportscaster. He spent 17 years in
the majors, won the Golden Glove and was a five
time All Star. In a bit of irony that probably made
someone like George Steinbrenner laugh, Murcer died
just days before the last All-Star Game to be
played at Yankee Stadium.
•
Hiroaki Aoki
Restaurant
founder. 69. You don’t know his name, but you know
his most famous creation: Benihana. Most of us can
remember our first trip to this Japanese knife fest
cleverly disguised as dinner. Who cared what you
were eating as long as you didn’t get stabbed by
twirling Ginsu knives and skewers? Domo arigato,
Aoki-san.
•
Tony Snow
White
House press secretary. 53. By all accounts, Tony
Snow was a pretty good guy, considering he fronted
for the Bush Administration and worked as a Fox
News reporter—both of which are jobs not
necessarily associated with being a good guy (let
alone telling the truth). Snow had been battling
colon cancer for some time, and succumbed to the
disease.
Trio 2
•
Jesse Helms
Senator.
86. This squirrelly little man from North Carolina
gave equality and open-mindedness a bad name for
more than 30 years. Elected to the Senate in 1972,
his Elmer Fudd-with-spectacles shtick was
continually brought to bear on America as he fought
against everything from civil rights and gay rights
on to the Martin Luther King holiday. The amazing
thing was that he kept getting elected, which
proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that certain
parts of the U.S. still use outhouses, marry their
sisters, and worship the Confederate flag that’s
hanging in the living room of their double-wide
trailers.
•
Larry Harmon
Bozo
The Clown. 83. Really, what more can you say about
the guy who actually was Bozo other than that he
was Bozo? Harmon didn’t originate the famous clown,
but he became the most famous iteration of Bozo and
eventually owned the rights to the name. When you
think about it, Bozo wasn’t that funny, but that’s
beside the point. He was Bozo, dammit, and that
says it all.
•
Michael DeBakey
Heart
surgeon and medical innovator. 99. DeBakey was the
doctor who pioneered many of the techniques, and
invented some of the equipment, used in modern
heart surgery. He also was one of the developers of
the first Mobile Army Surgical Hospitals, known as
M*A*S*H* units to you TV fans. Over the course of
his life, DeBakey was awarded the Presidential
Medal of Freedom and the National Medal of Science.
Believe it or not, this guy worked almost until he
was 100 and didn’t die from a heart attack.
RIP, one and all.
PS. Comedian George Carlin died just over two weeks
ago. When he died, many loyal readers suggested
that the CDT™ do whatever it took to get Carlin
into the CDT™—including repeated suggestions that
the CDT™ itself “off” two other celebrities in
order to make it happen. What many forgot was that
Carlin was an icon, revered for his visceral
wordplay and the “Seven Words You Can Never Say On
TV.” And icons, unlike mere celebrities, don’t die
in threes. They are unique and, as such, die alone.
RIP, George. You were one of a kind and we’ll miss
you.
Beat The Press
Dear CDT Reader,
Say this for the Celebrity Death Trio™: when our
business heats up, it blisters like the soles of
Satan’s feet. Or is that souls
at
Satan’s feet? Either way, three CDTs in three weeks
makes for a pretty amazing run, especially after a
dry spell that would make a Vatican nun envious.
This week marks another departure of a terminal
triumvirate from Tinseltown since our dearly
departed all existed in the worlds of TV and
movies. We’ve got a no-longer talking head, a
dancer who’s lost her step, and a makeup guy who’s
getting his finishing touches painted on by an
embalmer.
It’s the last day of Spring, and for these three
celebs, hope does not spring eternal . . . more
like eternity. So join us in raising a glass to
mark the passing of these three as they get ready
for summer vacation in a place where you don’t need
curbside check-in, or extra luggage fees, to wing
your way into the sky.
Herewith, the departed.
• Tim Russert
Talk show host. 58. Russert made his name as the
affable yet politically astute host of “Meet The
Press” over the past 16 years. He was a stellar
journalist who also wrote a couple of best-selling
books about fathers and sons. Talk about death as a
career move: on Amazon, his books went from 24,000
and 26,000 respectively on the day of his death to
#1 and #2 on Father’s Day. No lie. And given the
tributes that followed his death, you’d think that
Russert single-handedly invented both TV and the
Internet. Come on, he was a good guy, but he was
the moderator of a show about politics that aired
on Sunday mornings when most people were asleep.
Let’s keep some perspective here, folks. Even
Russert would be embarrassed by all this
post-mortem hoopla.
• Cyd Charisse
Dancer. 86. Cyd was the exotic and extremely
long-legged dancer who starred in lots of musicals
for MGM, and showed off her gams as if they were
gold-plated. According to legend, they might as
well have been: MGM allegedly insured them for more
than a million bucks—each. A skilled dancer famed
for her work with Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly, she
danced the final sequence in Singin’ In The Rain,
and costarred in Brigadoon, The Band Wagon, and The
Harvey Girls. Besides all that, we at the CDT have
to admit a certain fondness for any babe who ended
up with the stage name Cyd after being born Tula
Ellice Finklea.
• Stan Winston
Special effects and makeup artist. 62. One of the
classic special effects guys, Winston is probably
responsible for more of the cool stuff you see on
the screen than any other person, living or dead.
He created lifelike and creatures that were more
lifelike than computer-generated effects, not to
mention some actors. Stan’s film credits include a
litany of Hollywoods’s greatest and most bizarre
characters: Aliens, Jurassic Park, Terminator,
Edward Scissorhands, Predator, Batman Returns, Iron
Man and a host of others. In all, he won four
Academy Awards for his work on films. However,
Winston is probably getting a lot of grief from the
other dead special effects legends due to his
design for the Mr. Roboto character in the worst
concept album of all time,
Kilroy Was Here,
by the rock group Styx. Domo arigoto, Stan.
RIP, one and all.
* * *
Don’t forget to that you can “get smart” this very
moment by visiting the VERY BEST and VERY WORST at
http://www.vbvw.com
Ain't Got Diddley
Dear CDT Reader,
When the Celebrity Death Trio™ decides to get back to work, we really get back to work. After a dry spell of non-activity that rivals Sharon Stone’s recent movie career, the CDT is back for the second time in two weeks.
And what a week it has been. Not only did Hillary Clinton’s campaign go down faster than the crew of the Hindenburg—and with more flames—but three celebrities boarded that Last Train to Darksville, where the answer to “Will you meet me at the station?” is always “Uh, I don’t think so.”
Herewith the departed.
• Bo Diddley
Rock and blues musician. 79. The erstwhile Elias McDaniel played in Chicago blues bars during the 1950s, adopting the name Bo Diddley before coming up with one of rock’s most used, and even overused, licks. It’s hard to spell it out here on paper (da duh da duh da, duh-da-duh), but everything from U2’s “Desire” and George Michael’s “Faith” on to Buddy Holly’s “Not Fade Away” and David Bowie’s “Panic In Detroit” appropriated the beat. Diddley was an innovator who wrote plenty of classics of his own, including “Who Do You Love” and “I’m A Man,” which have been recorded by countless other artists. Diddley’s trademark rectangular guitar and black hat made him one of the most recognizable bluesmen to ever pick up a six-string, but we’ll always remember him for not only keeping the beat, but inventing it.
• Yves St. Laurent
Fashion designer. 71. He popularized thigh high boots, the beatnik look (think Davy Jones of the Monkees), safari jackets, and dress pants for women. St. Laurent became a notable designer from the moment of his first show in 1958 and remained a household name over the course of half a century. His YSL logo was ubiquitous during the ‘80s and ‘90s, and his influence was so pervasive that he was the first living fashion designer to get a solo show at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art. The French named him a Commander of the Legion Of Honor before he retired in 2002. Having left an impressive legacy that includes changing the way women dress for every occasion, Yves succumbed to brain cancer at his home in Paris.
• Jim McKay
Sportscaster. 86. McKay was the everyman voice of ABC’s Wide World Of Sports for more than 30 years, beginning in 1961. It seemed there wasn’t a single weekend during our lives where his voice didn’t come wafting out from the TV set (even back when most of those sets were of the black and white variety). McKay covered a wide array of events, ranging from the Indy 500 to World Cup soccer on to the Kentucky Derby. He was also the announcer for 12 different Olympics, and provided the live news updates on the Munich massacre in 1972. We really would have liked him to do his famous voiceover for Hillary this past weekend: “The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat.” But this was one event that Jim didn’t get to announce as he had just died from natural causes.
RIP, one and all.
* * *
Remember to become the smartest person on the block by checking out the news at The VERY BEST & VERY WORST over at http://www.vbvw.com. You will be very glad you did. We promise.
Hellbound From Hollywood
We’re back. Yes, we are. It’s been a long time, we know, but even the prestigious Celebrity Death Trio™ has not been immune to the recession. With no celebrity deaths to speak of since March, and no glimmer of hope on the horizon, it was beginning to feel like Hillary Clinton’s campaign headquarters around here. We had to let the entire staff go . . . whereupon they all took intern jobs at Up With People. Have to admit, we didn’t see that one coming.
But we brought every single employee and intern back to their desks to cover the biggest story of the week: three celebrities checking into the Marriott Morgue within a seven day period. As you well know, the CDT is built on the premise that celebrities die in threes, but it was disconcerting to us that celebs were dying less frequently than normal. Obviously, the rich and famous have been cutting back like the rest of us, even if it means they’ve had to delay that long-awaited trip to Forest Lawn. But a few brave souls went on permanent vacation as scheduled, and they’re all from the glory days of Hollywood. Instead of killing time at famous Beverly Hills eateries, however, they will now be hanging around St. Pete’s Eats and Satan’s Snack Shop, waiting for their final screen test.
Herewith, the departed.
• Dick Martin
Comedian. 86. Dickie Boy was the straight man in the comedy duo that brought the world “Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In.” Martin and partner Dan Rowan were a popular nightclub act in the ‘60s, with Rowan playing the swinging bachelor and Martin the dim-but-astute observer. After a series of appearances on The Ed Sullivan Show and The Dean Martin Show, they were given their own slot on primetime TV. From 1968 to 1973, Laugh-In changed the face of both TV and pop culture, featuring hippie references, counter-culture jokes, bikini-clad go-go dancers (including Goldie Hawn), and frenetic pacing that predated MTV and “24” by years. The show was so popular that even Richard Nixon made a cameo uttering the show’s classic punchline “Sock it to me.” Now that Dick has had it socked to him, courtesy of respiratory failure, you can bet your sweet bippy that he’s making them laugh day and night at Lucifer’s Lounge.
• Sydney Pollack
Director and actor. 73. A revered director and great character actor, Pollack directed some of America’s truly classic movies. He was the man behind “The Way We Were,” “Tootsie,” “The Firm,” “The Interpreter,” “Out Of Africa,” “Absence Of Malice,” “Three Days Of The Condor,” among others. Pollack made Robert Redford a star (Redford was in seven of Pollack’s films) and he veered easily from romantic comedies to political thrillers. Sydney also showed off his acting skills as Dustin Hoffman’s agent in “Tootsie,” George Clooney’s boss in “Michael Clayton,” and Tom Cruise’s nefarious confidante in “Eyes Wide Shut.” He also showed up in TV shows like “The Sopranos,” “Will & Grace,” and “Frasier.” Sydney died of cancer, and as a creature of Hollywood, he is one of the few who has nothing to be ashamed of.
• Harvey Korman
Comedian. 81. Anyone who watched “Blazing Saddles” or “The Carol Burnett Show” will remember Korman as one of the funniest sketch comics of all time. His slightly snobbish voice and always condescending characters were equal parts sinister and laugh-out-loud hilarious. He began appearing on TV back in 1966, eventually starring in his own show and racking up four Emmy Awards along the way. He was a staple of Mel Brooks’ films, including “High Anxiety” and “History Of The World, Part 1,” and appeared in several of the Pink Panther movies. Harvey died of complications from an aortic aneurysm, and we promise that we’ll never, ever, think of him as anything other than Hedy Lamarr. Uh, we mean Hedley, Hedley Lamarr.
RIP, one and all.
Musical Memories Lapse
Dear CDT™ Reader,
The Bible tells us that three days after he was
crucified, Jesus rose from the dead. Well, it’s
been a whole week since Easter, and not a single
one of our three dead celebs has risen from the
dead. In fact, they’ve been joined by three more
celebrities in their underground tombs, and it
looks like they’re going to stay there. Kind of
disappointing, in a way, because it’s not like they
have to roll away a huge stone or anything. We are,
however, thrilled with how pervasive the number
“three” was this week: dead trios, the Holy
Trinity, rising on the third day, the cock crowing
three times, and three days till the opening day of
Major League Baseball.
It was a hectic week of final preparations for
those celebrities who skipped out on their own
personal Resurrections and never came back from the
Easter egg hunt. With so many of our celebs coming
from the world of entertainment, there are quite a
few legacies here—people who will be remembered
long after the last half-eaten chocolate bunny and
moldy marshmallow Peep have settled deep into the
crematorium carpet.
Herewith, the departed.
• Arthur C. Clarke
Author. 90. One of the greatest science fiction
writers of all time, Clarke wrote “2001: A Space
Odyssey” and “Childhood’s End” along with countless
short stories, essays, novels, and screenplays. He
lived in Sri Lanka for the last fifty years, where
he fought off constant charges that alluded to his
fondness for little boys. Whatever his personal
peccadilloes, Clarke’s greatest notion may have
been one that went from science fiction to science
fact: in the 1940s, he was the first writer to
suggest putting stationary satellites in position
over Earth to enable global communications . . .
which is the way everything eventually turned out.
• Anthony Minghella
Director. 54. Best known for directing Ralph
Fiennes career-making chick flick, “The English
Patient,” Minghella also directed and wrote the
screenplays for “The Talented Mr. Ripley” (which
propelled Matt Damon out from Ben Affleck’s shadow)
and “Cold Mountain.” Unlike other filmmakers who
seem to meet their Maker due to less-than-exemplary
behavioral habits, Minghella died following
complications from surgery.
• Ivan Dixon
Actor. 76. Dixon will be forever remembered as the
black guy who handled communications for “Hogan’s
Heroes,” that wacky sitcom that showed the lighter
side of the Nazi’s World War II concentration
camps. But Ivan was more than just Sgt.
Kinchloe—“Kinch” to his buddies—as he appeared in
episodes of
The Twilight Zone
and
The Outer Limits,
and starred in groundbreaking movies like “A Raisin
In The Sun” and “A Patch Of Blue” that addressed
issues of race years before the civil rights
movement took up the cause.
• Richard Widmark
Actor. 93. A perennial tough guy who always seemed
to wear a bland trenchcoat and a tweed hat, Widmark
was a staple of movies and TV during the 1950s and
60s. He starred in his own detective show
(“Madigan”) but is best remembered for films like
“Judgment At Nuremburg,” “Kiss Of Death,” “The
Alamo,” and “How The West Was Won.” Very few could
play everything from a city cop to a cowboy with
such ease and credibility.
• Herb Peterson
Inventor. 89. You aren’t going to know his name,
but everybody in the US of A knows his most
memorable creation: the Egg McMuffin. Herb created
the quasi-tasty breakfast food in 1972 while he was
a McDonald’s franchise owner as part of an effort
to get people to eat their first meal of the day at
Mickey D’s. He claimed that the Egg McMuffin (or
“eggamuffin” to at least two generations of
stoners) was inspired by eggs benedict.
• Neil Aspinall
Beatle guy. 66. Referred to as the “fifth Beatle”—a
title he shared with producer George Martin—Neil
handled much of the business end of the Beatles’
affairs, running their Apple record company and
protecting their image and music worldwide. A
boyhood friend of Harrison and McCartney, Aspinall
was their first assistant and contributed
occasional backing vocal and handclaps to their
albums. He had recently retired from the business
since Apple Corps has fewer and fewer people to
deal with (no more George, no more John . . . you
get the idea). He died of lung cancer but lived
long enough to see Paul McCartney flush his career
down the drain.
RIP, one and all.
* * *
Best Performance By A Corpse
Man, oh man. If you were in the entertainment business this week, you were looking over your shoulder, looking under your bed, and making sure you knew where the nearest exits were. Because everywhere you looked, Beelzebub was rolling out the red carpet, waiting to hand you the award for Best Performance by a Corpse.
After last week’s incredible six-shooter performance, the Reaper was back with some high-profile terminations that tugged at the heartstrings of young and old, male and female. In fact, those of us at The Celebrity Death Trio™ headquarters can’t remember such a hormonally charged gathering of slabbed celebs, each of whom fanned the flames of lust in their own unique way.
So raise your glass and say goodbye as these entertainers hurry off to pose for the Purgatory paparazzi, awards in hand and tags on toes. They’ve all got one last curtain call before they take their final bows.
Herewith, the departed.
• Heath Ledger
Actor. 28. Heath hadn’t been around all that long, but he sure made a name for himself. A string of high-profile roles (The Patriot, A Knight’s Tale, The Brothers Grimm) led to his star turn as the sexually tormented Ennis del Mar in “Brokeback Mountain.” The movie made the Australian actor a household name and garnered him an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor. Ledger had just finished playing the Joker in the revitalized “Batman” franchise when he was found dead in a Manhattan apartment of yet-to-be-determined causes. Generally regarded as a good guy with a bright future, Ledger’s short career will, with any luck, outlive the media frenzy that surrounds his demise. And the CDT™ finds it ironic that while he couldn’t quit Jack Twist, he sure found a way to quit living.
• John Stewart
Musician. 68. Stewart made his name early on as a member of The Kingston Trio—the original pop folksters—from 1961 to 1967. But he found bigger fame, and an endless supply of royalty checks, when he wrote The Monkee’s hit “Daydream Believer.” As a solo artist, Stewart had significant success in the late 70s and early 80s, most notably with his hit 1979 single “Gold,” a duet with Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks. His California Bloodlines album was for years the West Coast yin to the East Coast yang of Springsteen’s Born To Run. Like Bruce, Stewart’s records pervaded high schools across the West (including the CDT’s alma mater in Phoenix, AZ), inspiring wanderlust in males and hormonal chaos in females. Over the course of his career, Stewart released more than 40 albums before meeting his maker while suffering a massive stroke.
• Suzanne Pleshette
Actress. 70. This is one of the saddest obituaries we’ve ever written at the CDT. Long before she melted our hearts and stirred our hormones as Emily Hartley on the Bob Newhart show, she had established herself as a hugely talented actress on Broadway and in movies like “The Birds,” “The Adventures of Bullwhip Griffin,” “Fate Is The Hunter,” and “Support Your Local Gunfighter.” She was a prominent fixture in TV’s heyday with roles in dozens of shows including Gunsmoke, Dr. Kildare, Bonanza, Ironside, The Invaders, and the Wild, Wild West. Renowned for her husky voice—let’s just call it sexy, shall we?—and her portrayal of strong women, Pleshette worked nearly up until her death with recurring roles on Will & Grace and 8 Simple Rules, receiving four Emmy nominations along the way. In a bizarre twist of fate, she married fellow actor Tom Poston (who starred in the Newhart sequel to The Bob Newhart Show) in 2001, although the two had dated some 40 years earlier. Poston joined the ranks of the CDT last year, but we were kind of hoping that Suzanne was immortal.
RIP, one and all.
A New Year's Six Shooter
They say that good things come in threes. If that is true, then two sets of threes must be doubly good. Unless, of course, you’re talking about death. Then it’s all a matter of perspective . . . especially if you’re one of the six celebrities whose New Year’s resolution seemed to be that they didn’t want to live past January. Unlike most of us, they stuck to their resolution. And here at the Celebrity Death Trio™, we honor that kind of achievement.
However, since we’ve got a prized double-triple this week, we’ll skip the eulogy and jump right into the dirt, as it were. All we’ll say is that 2008 has started with a bang. And that bang came from a six-shooter.
Herewith the departed.
• Sir Edmund Hillary
Adventurer. 88. A New Zealander with a taste for exploration, Hillary and his Sherpa guide Tenzing Norgay were the first men to climb Mt. Everest to the tippy-top. They reached the 29,035 foot summit on May 29, 1953, long before there were trails, handholds, and Gore-Tex suits to aid mountaineers in their quest. His accomplishment made Hillary an international hero and celebrity the moment he returned to Earth—the kind of celebrity you earn for actually doing something worthwhile. A lifelong explorer, Hillary also crossed Antarctica overland and flew to the North Pole in a twin engine plane with astronaut Neil Armstrong, then led an expedition that searched for the Abominable Snowman. Sir Edmund also wrote 13 books, which some will tell you is almost as difficult and terrifying as mountain climbing.
• Carl Karcher
Restaurateur. 90. If you’ve ever eaten at a Carl’s Jr or a Hardee’s burger joint, you have entered the world as envisioned by Carl Karcher. Carl opened his first hot dog stand in Southern California in 1941, followed by several restaurants, and then tiny restaurants, which served hamburgers—fast. These smaller restaurants were Carl’s “juniors” and soon there were hundreds scattered throughout the West Coast. After taking his company public, Carl and his family were accused of insider trader, which ended up costing Carl half a million bucks in fines, or roughly 250,000 Double Western Bacon Cheeseburgers. Carl’s company eventually bought the Hardee’s chain, and today operates more than 1,000 fast food restaurants. By the way, Carl died from Parkinson’s disease and not from eating crappy food.
• Bobby Fischer
Chess player. 64. Fischer single-handedly created global interest in chess when he played Russian grandmaster Boris Spassky in 1972. It was the height of the Cold War, and America needed some kind of PR victory and Fischer provided it, beating Spassky while the world watched in awe. Everyone, not just the chess geeks or the math club, was glued to their TVs for an entire month while Fischer made chess look like a bloodsport. The win made Fischer America’s first and only world champion, but the brooding Bobby soon dropped out of the spotlight. He renounced his U.S. citizenship and moved to Iceland, accusing America of being too nice to Jews (Fischer’s mother was Jewish) and trying to change the rules of chess. His 181 IQ did not allow him to beat the Reaper, his final opponent.
• Brad Renfro
Actor. 25. A continually up-and-coming Hollywood child star, Renfro’s short career was overshadowed by drug use that would make the Spears family envious. He was the star of John Grisham’s “The Client” and Stephen King’s “Apt Pupil,” and had roles in roughly two dozen movies. But his frequent trips to court for substance abuse are sure to be how Brad is remembered by most of the public. Plus, is it just us, or didn’t you always confuse his name with that of football Hall-of-Famer Mel Renfro?
• Johnny Podres
Baseball player. 75. Podres pitched for the Dodgers in the 1950s and 1960s, following the team from their original home in Brooklyn to the sunny smog of Los Angeles. In 1955, he led the Dodgers to a World Series victory over their cross-borough rivals, the New York Yankees. The series went seven games, and Podres won the seventh with a shutout of the Yanks. His stellar performance won him the first ever World Series MVP award. For fans of vowels and/or dyslexia, it’s worth noting that Podres finished his career with the Padres.
• Richard Knerr
Toy guru. 82. You might not know his name, but you’ve owned many of his toys throughout the years. The founder of Wham-O gave the world some of its greatest and strangest toys starting way back in 1958. It was then that Knerr mass-produced and marketed the first hula hoop. From that point forward, kid domination was the name of Wham-O’s game. Here’s a short list of the products that Knerr introduced to America, all of which contributed to our misspent youths: the Hula Hoop, the Frisbee, SuperBalls, the Slip N’ Slide, the Water Wiggly sprinkler, and perhaps most importantly, Silly String. Kids of all ages are sure to be lighting a candle in Knerr’s memory. Or bouncing, wiggling, twisting, tossing, slipping, and sliding.
RIP, one and all.